Massive phone bills? Frequent parks in the pouring rain? When is wanting lots of sex a problem? Adrian Gillan meets cheery slapper Tom and recovering addict Pete.

The happy slapper

“I get through about ten a week,” coos 28-year old Tom from South London, “mainly off the web or in parks. I don’t muck around. Life’s too short.”

Tom estimates he has had sexual encounters with between four and five thousand men in the decade or more he’s been active. No, he doesn’t think he has a problem. And yes, he has held down several boyfriends for longer periods than most, always open with them about his behaviour.

“I like sex with lots of new guys,” relates Tom. “That’s all there is to it really. I get a kick out of fresh encounters and having guys I’ve never met before all turned on. All that rubbish about great sex only within committed relationships is just a myth, say I – new spin on the same old tosh touted by marriage-mongers for centuries. I don’t aspire to be straight and monogamous and rear a cat and two kids.”

“Sure I’ve had lengthy, meaningful relationships,” he continues. “Most of my ‘ex’s were the greatest of friends but we never fooled ourselves that sex started and ended in our own bedroom. And - unlike many gay couples who might judge - we were always up front about how things stood. We’d always play safe away from home.”

“But with or without a boyfriend,” stresses Tom, “I’d still chase other guys. I’ve met so many lovely men. I might not be able to recall everyone’s name, but I can definitely picture most faces, plus all those hot bods! First encounters are very intimate and intense. All my men have left a part of themselves with me and you can’t take that away. Every day is Christmas Day! Why miss out?”

The sad addict

“Some days I’d just hung around the station’s gents looking available,” reminisces 35-year old self-confessed sex addict Pete from Sussex of his teenage years. “Eye contact - and the rest was easy. Very occasionally I’d charge but mostly it was free. Often three of four times a day. Lots of regulars.”

Pete grew up alone with his mother who was often out at work. Not interested in school and finding it hard to make close friends, he retreated into his own private sexual world for excitement and validation. Obsessed by pornography and casual encounters, he fast formed the habit of a lifetime.

“I didn’t even much care about who the bloke was or if I fancied him,” he continues. “I just got off on being fancied by so many different guys, having this kind of power over them, watching them as they got off on me. A bit of me also loved the fact it was just plain naughty, a bit of a risk.”

“It was only my schooling suffered at first,” Pete goes on. “But when I left home and moved to Brighton, I had trouble holding down jobs - I couldn’t focus on anything. I ended up living on benefits in a dingy bed-sit on the outskirts, spending whole days looking for men to bring back or have wherever I found them.”

“I got very lonely and depressed,” he admits. “A whole decade passed and I had little to show for it apart from thousands of notches on some imaginary bedpost. I realised I was trapped and that the more sex I was having, the more miserable I became; prompting yet more sex. I admitted to myself I had a problem. I started seeing a counsellor and we talked about my past, my insecurities and difficulties forming relationships.”

Confides Pete: “I did actually meet someone who I really liked, and I was honest about my past and that relationships and intimacy were all new to me. Even though we split up recently after almost two years – during which time I became pretty dependent on, and almost addicted to, him - I feel much better about myself and aware of an alternative. It’s not easy to crack this habit though - many days are still a struggle and I still go out looking for men.”

Being a slapper is just one symptom suggesting you might be a sexaholic - along with compulsive self-pleasuring, excessive use of pornography and physical dependency on at least one other individual. Test yourself for sex addiction NOW at - www.sauk.org/test.html

If you feel your sexual activity has become addictive, you can contact Sexaholics Anonymous’ 24-hour helpline on T: 07000 725463; or email newcomers@sauk.org. More at: www.sauk.org